A rather quiet week, this.
Went to the gym 4 days this week – not bad, but not good with the current goals. I am on a 5 day weekend right now. Regular weekend, President’s day on Monday, and had to use 2 carry-overs from last year so took Tuesday and Wednesday off. More of a staycation, this. Not travelling anywhere, not doing anything special. Went for a quiet, peaceful walk to the Central Park this afternoon. Came back home, watched some Netflix and slept off.
Something I was thinking about yesterday –
Do you remember a time of your life when you were actively doing productive things? Or doing things with a set goal in mind?
For me, that was 10 years back. I was an above average child in school when it came to studies. I always scored well in Math, Geography, English and History, but in the other subjects I was pretty average. This got my percentage in the high 70s, almost every time (sometimes even early 80s – but very rarely). In my 10th grade, I had decided I wanted to cross the 90% mark. Call it the FOMO (fear of missing out) or an actual desire to prove that I also can score. Or maybe it stemmed out of a conversation with a friend I shared my desk with, in classes. He always scored in higher 80s range, and was a top ranker of the batch. Those classes we went to had rules:
- We’ll be seated based on our heights (short kids took the first bench and the tall ones took the last)
- The seating arrangement will be fixed for the year.
On the very first day of class, in 10th grade, he told me – “Kunj, I know you are not that serious about studies, but I am. And now that we are going to be sharing the desk for the rest of the year, I don’t want you to ruin my year by disturbing me during the class. I just wanted to tell you this so that we are clear.”
I just nodded, and did not say a word. But that hit me. It hit me hard. How could someone tell me something like that. I studied hard. I crossed that 90% mark in my boards exam (for the first time in my life, and the time when it mattered) and was one of the 5 kids to do that from my school. Guess what – he didn’t.
Today, those marks don’t even matter (Well, actually they do because I wouldn’t have gone to the junior college I went to had I not scored that much and then I wouldn’t have gone to the engineering school I went to had I not been in that junior college and then the master’s school and so on). What I am trying to say is – no one is bothered about my marks from that exam, but I still remember those words that hurt me. It has been 10 years. So, don’t do that to people. Words have an immense power to hurt relationships. Use them wisely. 🙂
Back to the topic – I don’t remember doing anything with a set goal since then. I am not saying I am unhappy with the work I do, but am I happy? I don’t know. I am definitely not beaming with joy at work. I am neither unhappy, nor happy. Yes that is possible. It does not have to be binary. I am curious about things happening around me. I am interested. Read this, it is a very interesting read. So that’s the state I am in right now.
I want to help and make some money while I do that. Money is not so much the objective as helping is. It can be anything… So I put this Ad on a Free and For Sale group on Facebook. I’m interested, I’ll help.
In case you know someone who needs help, let me know.
PS: I haven’t used Seamless in 19 days! That’s an achievement. And I might order something tonight just as a reward for being good for last 19 days.
PPS: Yaar bade dino se pyaar nahi hua kisise!