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Week 37: The One with realization

Sunset time today in New York was 7:57 pm. I remember it was around 8:35 pm just a month back. Days are getting shorter, summer is coming to an end. Seconds, minutes and hours, days and weeks are passing by so quickly! Today as I sat back with a cup of chai, watching the setting sun, I realized we have so less time and so much to do; so much that we want to do. Food for thought!

This morning I made a couple of calls back home. Talked to mom for a few minutes and to dad for a few. Dad reminded me of how the frequency of my calls was decreasing every month. I made a mental note to give them a call every Sunday.

Making a cup of chai, around noon, I started reading random scuba divers’ blogs. Read a bit more about scuba diving, the expenses, the lifestyle, the ups and downs. A couple of hours into it and I found my reading travel blogs. Few of them were very good! Started surfing the idea of being in their shoes, doing what they were doing. Started chalking the idea of how would I do it, if I were to take that path. Thought about a few things, tried to make a to-do list and assigned a timeline to it. I don’t want to reveal those things just yet because I am afraid that if I do, the pressure of performing and living up to them might affect my actions. So let’s see how the it all works out. One thing I must do is track my expenses. I have no idea of how much money am I spending monthly. And that is a scary space to be in.

The week, overall, was not bad. Work-wise, it was a bit taxing. Remember about my big Tuesday meeting of this week? It went well. Turns out this coming week looks scarier. Let’s see how this one goes. Health-wise I did not make much progress. But a positive from this last week was that I wrote a poem and it made me feel good, very good. Also, I made dabeli (It is an Indian dish). I love dabeli! Have a look –

dabeli

I watched Jab We Met and Wake up Sid after so long! Classics, both of them. One goes through tons of emotions during and after watching Jab We Met. That happened today while I was in the corner of my room, sipping morning coffee by the window. This was a quiet week and a calm Sunday. A calm before the storm? I hope not!

PS: I am still contemplating the December trip to India.

PPS: Yes, I had two cups of chai and a cup of coffee today. But, hey, it was a Sunday!

 

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2017 in Zindagy Weekly

 

If you could

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You’ll start by writing to her,
And you wouldn’t expect her to write back to you, a handwritten letter,
but she would,
She wouldn’t expect you to fly to her, out of nowhere, just to see her,
but you would,
You wouldn’t expect her to hug you, a way which leaves you asking for time to stop,
but she would,
And she wouldn’t expect you to sniff her hair in that hug, tightening the hug,
but you would,
You wouldn’t expect her to laugh her heart out to your crappy jokes, as you two have dinner overlooking the moon in the river,
but she would,
She wouldn’t expect you to hold her as she leans on your shoulder, silently staring at the stars,
but you would,
And you wouldn’t expect her to lean in that kiss, and feel the warmth, as her lips melt in yours,
but she would,
She wouldn’t expect you to pick her up in that kiss, as her fingers pull your hair,
but you would,
You wouldn’t expect her to lose all her clothes, pulling you so close,
but she would,
She wouldn’t expect you to kiss every inch of her beautiful naked body, licking those curves, kissing her neck, those neck bones, her nipples, her navel,
but you would…
You wouldn’t expect her to bare her soul to you, as you two lay under that blanket, breathing softly, whispering your stories,
but she would,
And she wouldn’t expect you to kiss her eyes as a tear rolls down in the middle of that story,
but you would,
You wouldn’t expect her to sleep in spoon, with your arm around her, and feel the safest she’s ever felt,
but she would,
She wouldn’t expect you to wake up early, just so that you can watch her sleep and capture that sweet sight in the reel of your mind,
but you would,
You wouldn’t expect her to kiss you that parting kiss, a soft slow kiss that lingers,
but she would…

You two wouldn’t expect any of this to happen,
but it would

Just promise me, you wouldn’t stop yourself from loving again, if you could

~KK

 

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2017 in Poems

 

Week 36: The One with a Broken Cup

Ever thought about why do we indulge ourselves with mindless distractions? What is it that we are avoiding? Is it something that we are avoiding because we are afraid of the answer or its consequences? Or if we don’t know the answer at all and are afraid to never find it? I know I am struggling with a few such questions, and I don’t know when will I be able to untangle those threads. It is important to talk these things out. It is important to have a human connection, a conversation. It is important to ask for a hug when one wants one. Conversations help. The one with Nikita helped this evening. You haven’t met her, have you? Here, say Hi to Nikita. And till you do that, let me be right back with my coffee…

I kept my coffee in the microwave for 2 minutes and it spilled over a bit. Lesson learned the hard way – don’t keep your coffee cup (that is more than 3/4th full) in the microwave for that long, 1-1.5 minutes is enough.

This reminds me – I broke a cup. This afternoon I was cleaning the utensils and a cup slipped from my hands. I know it is not a big deal but this is the first time I broke a cup (or any utensil) in my life. Mumma, if you’re reading this, don’t worry I neatly gathered all the broken pieces, threw them in the bin and vacuum cleaned the floor.

On a completely different note – remember I told you about a typewriter I bought from Ohio? For some reason, I had not put up a picture last week. Here it is –

typewriter

Lovely, isn’t it? Yet to publish a poem I weave out of this one.

Moving on, I have a big meeting day after tomorrow, and a rehearsal meeting (for the big meeting) tomorrow. Honestly I’m a bit stressed about that. Will work for a few hours tonight. I realize I haven’t told you anything about the last week yet. It went by pretty fast. All I remember is going to the gym three days, eating salad for lunch twice, eating Thai twice, attending a quiz, and sleeping in very early (around 9:30 pm) on Friday. Weekend was spent resting, cleaning the house, watching FRIENDS and riding the bike. Woke up very early today, around 6:30 am (it’s a Sunday!). Went for a bike ride around 8 am, felt good. You see how I did not mention a single good conversation I had with anyone throughout the week? Because I had none. There were many superficial ones, the ones which I don’t remember at all. The ones that were majorly office small talk. You can do all the right things, go to all the right places, but if you don’t have meaningful conversation(s) with people in-person, it becomes very difficult to be in the right frame of mind.

I am planning to make a trip to India this December. Not very sure if I want to yet. Let’s see how that thought ripens by next weekend.

PS: I need a hug. It’s been a while since I got one. I might not ask for it in-person if I don’t know you that well, but if you are reading this – the next time you see me, give me tight hug.

PPS: It is 8:30 pm, I shouldn’t have had that coffee!

 

 
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Posted by on August 7, 2017 in Zindagy Weekly

 

Week 35: The One with 5 States

I know these posts are becoming more like a monthly thing than weekly, but things are about to change. This time for real.

First things first – I moved to a new apartment in June. A house where I live alone. It is a good feeling to sign a lease with just your name on it. On the one hand, you have complete freedom – you can cook whenever and whatever, sleep wherever, read at peace, roam around naked (yes, you read that right), keep the house as clean as you like and want it to be, play music at the volume you like, and paint the walls as you please! But on the other hand, you know that you are the only one responsible for anything and everything that goes wrong with the house. You are the only one who has to take care of all the bills, seal that leakage in the bathroom, fix that broken knob by yourself, take out the trash from time to time, and make peace with the walls around. But I like this I-got-responsibility-now kind of scary feeling. It makes me more diligent, more efficient. Been just eight weeks in this new house and I am already proud of myself for making this happen. Let’s see how this goes! I would’ve put some pictures of the house here, but I have a better idea – come over for a coffee! Also – don’t come unannounced – you read about the roaming around naked, didn’t you?

Moving on, I want to tell you about how I went to five different states in last two months (New York/New Jersey are not counted in this list).

I went on a road trip to the West coast – San Francisco, Yosemite, Grand Canyon, Los Angeles, Malibu and Las Vegas. Basically California, Arizona and Nevada states. This was in mid June. The highlight of that trip was a day at Yosemite, the long drives to Napa Valley vineyards and awesome breakfast and dinner in Mariposa village.

Napa ValleyNevada FallsSan FranVegasVenice Beach

For more pictures, click here

Second trip was to Atlanta, Georgia. I mean, Hot-lanta! It is the Peachtree city, the home of peaches, and the home of Coke. Conversations on the banks of Chattahoochee river, kayaking with a dog (Perro in Spanish) swimming alongside you, and sipping Old Fashioned while swaying to live country music on the rooftop overlooking Atlanta were the highlights of that trip. What made the trip that much fun was the amazing company I had to show me around. Nirvanna, you’re right, Atlanta does not have a skyline. Carey, the city still looks beautiful from rooftops!

AtlantaChettahoocheePero

Third trip was to Cincinnati, Ohio. Majorly Dayton in Ohio. This was around mid July. Walking down the silent streets of Yellow Spring, randomly entering antique hole-in-the-wall stores and buying a 1959 typewriter were the highlights of this one. Yes, a functioning typewriter! I was the happiest guy in Ohio that evening. There is something about a typewriter that the keyboard of even a Mac cannot offer. I love the sound of when the steel plates of alphabets hit the paper. The plan is to punch words on the paper weaving them into poetry.

Yellow Spring

I met people on these trips, had random conversations (no small talk though) with strangers, spent time with myself, learned how people are so different from each other yet so similar to each other, and marveled at how we humans have this ability to understand each other. We have invented languages to communicate and we can make someone understand us! Take a minute and think about how mindbogglingly (yes, mindbogglingly) awesome that is! Some food for thought, that…

On a completely different note, I got texts from three friends – all on different continents – asking me why I don’t write more frequently and how they love reading my blog. I’ll be honest it felt so good to read those messages! And there was a new comment on the blog post I wrote in my freshmen year at college, about my freshmen year at college. The guy is about to start his college life, he said. It felt good to know how some blog post, as trivial as it is, is still being read somewhere by someone. These doses of inspiration keep me going. Thanks guys! (Is anyone around, I want to hug someone!)

It’s a Saturday evening and the weather is serene. A cool breeze, and the sun shining over the currents of Hudson river. I hear birds chirping on the tree just outside the window and cars swooshing on the Verrazano bridge – it’s time for another cup of coffee ūüôā

See you next week!

Flight

PS: I mean it, next week!

PPS: You might be wondering about the “Saturday evening” part in the last paragraph. Well, that’s when I actually wrote this blog-post. Editing pictures took some time.

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2017 in Zindagy Weekly

 

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In the length of that moment

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Suddenly, your eyes meet mine,
and in the length of that moment,
I feel –
the rush of when a roller-coaster, climbing the rails, almost reaches the peak,
the calm of when a dew drop, rolling down the leaf, slowly leaves the tip,
the ruckus the winds create just before the storm,
the peace of when the moonlight reflects from the surface of a gently flowing river,
the solitude of when you’re standing still and the water recedes from the shore, taking away the sand from under your feet,
the oneness of when a puff of smoke disappears in the air
the melancholy of parting,
and the joy of the reunion,
the awe of staring at a clear night sky full of stars,
the fear of impermanence of ecstasy
the warmth of when a cloud hugs a mountain, just before the rain,
and the hope of when the sun rises from the ocean, kissing the horizon again

It’s been days and weeks and months and years, my love,
but when I close my eyes and our eyes meet,
in the length of that moment, I feel all of this

And I dream a bit more of you
because, I don’t know, how not to

~KK

 

 
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Posted by on July 5, 2017 in Poems

 

Between you, me and New York

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I’ve told¬†the¬†trees¬†of¬†Central Park
the story of how I met you,
and they were listening intently, to every word I spoke, without blinking,
like you do

I’ve told the Hudson about those nights we’ve spent together,
laying on your bed, under my blanket,
naked,
Yes, I know I should have skipped that last part

Brooklyn Bridge knows a couple of things about you –
not much, just the basic ones like
how many sugars you take in your coffee
and how you hate pineapples, apart from on pizza,
how you love wearing my used t-shirts
and how you keep re-reading my handwritten letters,
how you used to smile when I hugged you from behind
and how you used to melt in my arms when I kissed you at night

They all ask me¬†why¬†aren’t we together,
I smile and tell them –
“We¬†don’t¬†want to break¬†the promise we never made”

~KK

 
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Posted by on May 28, 2017 in Poems

 

Week 34 (and a few more): The One with the Vibes

Alizeh! What a song!¬†Do yourself a favor and let Arijit Singh do his magic on you. Let this song grow over you …

Also, on one of the sunsets this week, I clicked this picture, and wrote a couple of lines –¬†

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Pyaala bharta nahi.n,
ki ab mai.n raah tak.ta nahi.n,
toh jaise shaam dhalti nahi.n

The feel of that evening was, different ūüôā

Now that we are in a good mood, let me not tell you that I have again been late in writing this post. Short version of the things that happened in last five weeks –

1. I graduated and attended my commencement ceremony. Parents were here and they had a good time. They are back home now.

2. I am starting to feel a bit of heat at work, lately. Good kind of pressure, this, I guess.

3. You remember I was training for basketball? We lost the match in the semi-finals. But, hey, we had a good time!

4. Neither have I yet finished reading “If on a winter’s night, a traveler”, nor have I made any progress on my Spanish.

5. For the ones who care, I haven’t been feeling well since last 2 weeks and I made Bhindi ki bhaaji today for lunch. Totally unrelated things, those two! There’s a cute doctor who helped me recover, and the Bhindi bhaaji was delicious!

6. I watched Captain Phillips, The Ghazi Attack, Finest Hours, and a couple of stand-up gigs in the last 2 weeks. I recommend all those movies and none of the stand-up shows.

Okay, now let’s talk about what’s eating me up –

FOMO (fear of missing out)
I don’t know what I am up-to, both personally and professionally. My work challenges me in a good way and that happens at least 3 days a week. But, I don’t know how long will I be able to do this¬†job. There is a learning curve at this job, it pays well, it is in the financial capital of the world, and mostly the people are good. A lot of people would kill for such a job, but I don’t know. I feel like I want to do something else. On the one hand, I am planning on how and when to take the leap and move on to do those things that inspire me¬† excite me, but on the other hand¬†I don’t know if I have it in me to take that leap! For this will be a one way move, for this will change my lifestyle and my future life as a whole. There is this fight between a rich and a secured life, and a life that I think *might* excite me. I fear missing out on that life if I stay here for forever and choose the security. I also fear not being able to come back to this current life if I fail in that one.¬†

I don’t know what to do about this.

What I know is, Faiz wants me to keep¬†hope alive –

Dil na-ummeed nahi.n, na-kaam hi toh hai
lambi hai ghum ki shaam, magar shaam hi toh hai

Let me leave you with this beautiful thought and this picture of Brooklyn Bridge I clicked last week –

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PS: I recently discovered the Mile High Club. Google it!

PPS: These are my last 10 days in Brooklyn, let’s meet over coffee

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2017 in Zindagy Weekly